


I'm Not Saying Goodbye

by Mischel



Series: Merlin Memory Month [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Merlin Memory Month, Merlin confesses his love, Merthur - Freeform, POV Merlin, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 00:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10955724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischel/pseuds/Mischel
Summary: When Uther sends Arthur with Merlin to a queen overseas, Merlin realizes this is his opportunity to finally tell Arthur how he feels. If Arthur doesn't feel the same, Merlin will stay in the foreign kingdom and never see his love again. And if Arthur feels the same... well, Merlin doesn't know if he can hope for that.





	I'm Not Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tumblr prompt fest [Merlin Memory Month](https://merlinmemorymonth.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Prompts:
> 
> Path I - Love is love is love  
> Path II - Scenery  
> Path III - Emotion/Mood: Doubtful

Merlin took a deep breath and walked out of the door, towards the balcony of one of the high towers of the castle. They weren't in Camelot. Uther wanted Arthur to deliver some sort of a contract to a queen that had her kingdom overseas. It was the first time Merlin sailed on a royal ship, or any ship, and the thought made him smile because he and Arthur were assigned the same chamber under the deck. Yes, he slept on the floor covered in furs, but still. It was as close to Arthur as he could get.

Well, until today. That was, if everything worked out the way Merlin hoped it would.

Arthur was standing on the balcony, looking at the beauty of the foreign kingdom. His hair was tousled and it almost sparkled in the golden sunshine. Merlin wanted to just go there and be able to take Arthur's hand or lay his head on his shoulder and be done with it. No problems, no difficult explaining and awkward conversations Merlin wasn't sure he was ready for. But he couldn't wait forever, and he had promised himself he'd do it _today._ He'd finally tell him.

The balcony was very high above the ground, and when Merlin joined Arthur and looked down, he saw a river run through a forest and around the training grounds for the knights. He saw a big red bird he's never seen before fly above them and he smiled, following it with his eyes until he got almost blinded by the sun. The sun was just setting down in between two high mountains and its last rays were shining right at them, making them feel warm. The view was breathtaking, especially because on the other side of the sky the moon was already visible.

Merlin found himself smiling and for once, he didn't mind the silence that settled between them. It wasn't awkward like it usually was lately, it was comfortable. And when Merlin looked at Arthur, he found out the prince was already looking at him with a small smile playing at his lips.

The young warlock swallowed and lost almost all of the courage he'd been gathering all day with only one look into Arthur's blue eyes.

"Arthur," he quickly started before he could stop himself. "I need to tell you something and I want you to know that if you're uncomfortable because of it or if you don't want to be friends anymore and want to find a new servant or if you just don't want to see me ever again I can just stay here and then you'll never hear of me again and I'm so sorry if-"

" _Mer_ lin." Arthur rolled his eyes and stopped his servant. "What on earth are you rambling about?" Then he frowned, making Merlin turn all pink. "You look like you've accidentally stepped on a butterfly or whatever would make you look like... well, _this._ "

"No, there's no butterfly." Merlin shook his head and took a deep breath. "I just need to tell you something and I'm really... really scared." He admitted, not looking away from Arthur's frown.

Then Arthur's eyes cleared as if he understood. He put his arm on Merlin's shoulder, unknowingly making the entire situation for Merlin even worse. "Merlin, whatever you did to my favorite tunic, it's okay, it's just a piece of clothing."

Merlin couldn't help but snort, but then his smile disappeared and he shook his head again. He looked down and closed his eyes briefly. "This isn't about your clothes... this... this is about _you._ " He finally admitted. "And... and I'm about to tell you something that might change everything that you see in me. I doubt you feel the same way as I do, which is the worst feeling in the world because in that case... I'm saying goodbye." He looked up at his prince again with pain in his eyes and sighed. "But I can't keep living like this, I need to tell you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Arthur told him, making Merlin smile slightly.

"I know you don't." He sighed. Then he looked into his eyes and carefully placed his hand on Arthur's that was still on his shoulder. Arthur frowned slightly, but Merlin continued. "I... I love you. Not like a brother, or a friend. I... Arthur, I'm _in_ _love_ with you."

There. He said it. And either his life was over or it was just about to begin. Merlin was already preparing himself for the former.

Arthur was silent for a moment, and then he slowly took his hand away from Meriln's shoulder. Merlin's hand fell down with it and his shoulder slumped. He could already feel the fear clutch at his heart because the way Arthur was looking at him could mean nothing but-

"Are you sure?" Arthur suddenly asked, taking Merlin aback.

"What? Of course I'm sure, I've been in love with you for _years_ , Arthur. It's something that I can't escape and if you don't feel the same way... well, I need to move on." He admitted and felt his heart in his chest, beating faster than just a few moments ago. This was it. The end of their relationship, the end of their shared destiny. It might as well be the end of the world.

"I don't know what to say." Arthur closed his eyes and looked down.

"You can say goodbye." Merlin suggested with a sad shrug, his voice breaking and his eyes filling with tears.

"No." Arthur's firm and determined voice surprised him, so he looked up, but Arthur was still looking at his feet. "Never." Arthur added and looked into Merlin's eyes. What Merlin could see in them was fear and uncertainty a hesitation. Something that he's never seen in Arthur's eyes before.

"Arthur?" He asked, unsure of what to do exactly.

"I'm not good at this," Arthur told him, suddenly stepping a tiny bit closer. He took a deep breath. "I... I don't know what to do or what to say, but right now,... I know I can never say goodbye to you." He said and took Merlin's hand into his. "You mean more to me than a friend or a brother too, Merlin. I've been... _feeling_ something lately that I can't quite explain, but... I know I feel it whenever I'm around you and I know it feels _good_ **.** "

Merlin didn't have to hear more. He squeezed Arthur's hand put his other hand on Arthur's neck, stepping closer to him and looking down at his lips. They were trembling. Merlin looked up at Arthur with a question in his eyes, but before he could do anything, Arthur leaned down and closed the distance between them in one long awaited kiss. Their lips moved in sync, as if they've been kissing like this forever. Everything about it felt so familiar and yet so strange. It felt _right._ As if finally everything made sense, as if every question was answered with this one simple act of love.

They pulled away, both out of breath and with huge smiles on their faces.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Arthur asked, still smiling and breathing hard.

Merlin shook his head and his cheeks turned pink again. "No, this was... my first kiss, actually." He looked down at Arthur's lips and could see that this was not over. Their lips were like magnets, unable to stay apart when they were this close.

"Well, then." Arthur smiled at him. "First of many."

And with that, all Merlin's doubts disappeared. His life was not over. This was merely the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think, thanks! ;)


End file.
